Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children

Speaker 1 0:00

Hey everyone . This week we're going to continue through our great materials regarding how to help raise and discipline kids . Today , we're going to talk about John Gottman's book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child . This book focuses on helping parents become what Gottman refers to as emotion coaches . John Gottman has been mentioned on this podcast a bunch . He and his wife are both PhDs who've done a great deal of research , and Gottman's book has lots of really great examples and cautions for what happens when you don't do this well . He also has really really well-researched and practical strategies for how to raise emotionally intelligent kids .

Speaker 1 0:39

Let's get an important definition in place first , and that's emotional intelligence . In this context , gottman is talking about the ability to recognize , understand , manage and express emotions effectively . Gottman's perspective is that if you teach a child emotional intelligence when they're young , they're going to have all sorts of benefits later and he talks about specifically kids with high emotional intelligence and that they tend to perform better academically , have healthier relationships , they're more resilient in the face of challenges and they're healthier physically . Just across the board , there's a number of positives for using Gottman's approach if you do it well . Gottman describes four parenting styles , and I know that we talked about five parenting styles at the beginning of the series , but Gottman is using a different set of parenting styles that he wants to refer to . The ones that he references are dismissive , disapproving , laissez-faire and emotion coach , and for Gottman the best one is the emotion coach . We're going to start there with emotion coach , even though Gottman gets to it last in his book . I'm going to get to it first because we're going to compare that to the other types as we go along and I don't want to retread ground later .

Speaker 1 1:50

For Gottman , emotion coaching involves parents really actively guiding their kids through the process of recognizing , understanding and managing their emotions . Here are some key ideas that he focuses on if you're going to become an emotion coach for your kids . The first is that emotions are opportunities for intimacy and teaching . You know , sometimes folks get upset when their kids have strong emotions and I think as adults we get upset or put off when people have strong emotions . But when parents see their kids' emotions , especially negative ones , as opportunities to connect and teach , it really helps their kids become emotionally intelligent . So instead of viewing your kid's outburst as a problem , some sort of inherent problem , view it as a chance to help your kid learn about the feelings that they're experiencing and then how to deal with them . Part of doing that is to validate their emotions . You can validate your child's emotions by acknowledging and accepting them , even if they seem pretty trivial to you . When you validate your kids' emotions , it helps them feel understood , helps them feel valued and that reinforces to them the idea that their emotions are important , that they matter .

Speaker 1 3:00

When a parent practices emotion coaching , what they do is they help their kids express emotions in a way that's healthy and socially acceptable . Doing this requires them to set limits on behavior while also allowing them to fully express their emotions , and that's really a key difference . All emotions are okay , all behaviors are not okay . Emotion coaching is accepting the emotions while putting proper boundaries on the behaviors . There's a five-step process for emotion coaching is accepting the emotions while putting proper boundaries on the behaviors .

Speaker 1 3:26

There's a five-step process for emotion coaching parents . The first is to be aware of emotions . You have to be attuned as a parent to actually do your own emotions and the emotions of your child . That means being observant , watching out for even subtle clues in your kids behavior , watching their facial expressions , listening to their tone of voice any of that that could indicate a certain emotional state . Here's an example . Let's say that your kid comes home from school and they're unusually quiet or withdrawn . That could be a signal to you that your child may be worried or sad about something , which would prompt you to check in with your kid . Step two is to recognize emotion as an opportunity for connection or for teaching . Whenever your child expresses an emotion , especially a negative emotion like anger or sadness , if you're practicing emotion coaching , you're going to notice it and then take that opportunity to strengthen your bond with your child and help teach them about their emotions . Here's an example of how to do that .

Speaker 1 4:24

Let's say that you have a young child who gets really upset and angry because maybe their sibling broke their toy . Instead of lashing out at the child for having strong emotions , instead of minimizing the situation by saying something like uh , it's just a toy , we can get another one an emotion-cushing parent might say I can see you're really upset about this . I see that you're really angry . Let's talk about what happened and let's figure out what we can do to make the situation better . This approach uses the situation to help the child experience and label the emotion , to understand the emotion and then to work on some problem-solving skills . They get the chance to think about how to deal with emotions .

Speaker 1 5:04

Now , to do this , you have to listen empathetically and to validate your child's emotions , because noticing that they have an emotion , engaging them about their emotions and then not being empathetic , not validating them , just put a kibosh on the whole thing . That's not going to get you anywhere . Empathetic listening involves you being really focused on your child's emotional experience , without judging that experience , without giving them immediate solutions , essentially , not doing the thing that I get in trouble for all the time , which is hearing something and trying to fix it right away , instead of just sitting in the moment with the person and experiencing that emotion with them . Parents validate their kids' feelings by acknowledging them and then expressing that they understand . And when you do this , when you acknowledge and express that you understand , you really have to mean it , because kids are good at sniffing out fakers . It doesn't do you any good to fake the empathy . You have to sit there and really try to be compassionate and empathetic with your child . Now let's say your kid came home and they're really upset because they didn't do well on the test . Don't just punish them for not doing well or yell at them . Don't say whatever , it's only third grade , it doesn't matter If you're an emotion coach . You might say something like it's okay to feel frustrated when things don't go as planned . I know it's really disappointing when you don't get the test results that you were hoping for . Listen to them , let them know that you understand how they feel .

Speaker 1 6:32

Already , a few times in this episode you've seen that we've used terms . We've placed labels on the various emotions like upset , frustrated , angry , sad , happy . When you're an emotion coach , you help your child identify and name their emotions . When you label an emotion coach , you help your child identify and name their emotions . When you label an emotion , it helps your child a whole lot . It helps them understand their feelings and to categorize how they're feeling . It can reduce the intensity of the emotion that they're experiencing by giving them an understanding of what they're going through and that you understand what they're going through .

Speaker 1 7:02

Also , gottman believes that when you label the emotion , you're engaging the other part of your brain as well . This is not just the emotional responsive side . Now you're engaging your logic center , your speech center . You're pulling your child out of the overwhelming emotional moment that they may be experiencing by helping them engage their thinking brain as well , instead of just their feeling brain . Now you also have to set limits , and this is where sometimes parents go wrong . It's easy to say that all emotions are valid , but not all behaviors are acceptable . So if you're emotion coaching , you're setting limits on behaviors things like hitting or yelling . At the same time , you're also guiding your child through the process of solving the problem that led to the emotional response they're striking out , because they don't necessarily know what to do with the emotion and they may feel powerless . They're not sure what to do . If you help to guide them through the process of problem solving , then you can reduce some of that tension that they're feeling , some of what's making them act out . Now let's talk about some of the benefits of emotion coaching . One there's an approved emotional regulation .

Speaker 1 8:06

Kids learn how to manage their emotions more effectively . In doing so , they become more resilient , they get better at balancing back from setbacks and they're less likely to be overwhelmed by strong emotions in the future . If you do this well , then you're also helping your child develop better social skills . You're modeling for them how to be empathetic , how to understand other people's emotions , and because they're learning these skills early , they're more likely to build strong , healthy relationships with their peers and with the adults in their lives . There's research that indicates that an emotionally intelligent child tends to do better academically because they're more focused . They're better at handling stress . They're more motivated . There's better at handling stress , they're more motivated . There's lower levels of behavioral problems with these kids too . They're better equipped to deal with their emotions constructively instead of acting out . They're still feeling emotions , but now they know how to label them . They know how to use some better tools for problem solving . They know how to communicate what they're feeling . That can lead to less acting out for problem solving . They know how to communicate with their feeling . That can lead to less acting out .

Speaker 1 9:07

For adults , there are some challenges in becoming an emotion coach . First , your own emotional state can be a problem . As parents , we have to manage our own emotions before we can effectively coach our kids . It's kind of like in an airplane you've got to put on your own mask before you can help somebody else . As a parent , if you're stressed out , if you're upset , then it can be a challenge for you to remain calm and empathetic to help your kid through the process too . Another challenge is that this process of parenting requires a lot of time and just a lot of patience .

Speaker 1 9:40

In the heat of the moment , when your kid is experiencing these big emotions , especially if it's in public , it can be really tempting to try to resort to quicker , less empathetic responses like corporal punishment or snapping at your child . These strategies make your kid feel less than and minimizes their concerns . It takes a lot of time to interact with your child in a way that's positive and constructive for them , to interact with your child in a way that's positive and constructive for them . And then , because of that , consistency is also a problem . Being consistent can be really hard for a parent trying to implement emotion coaching strategies , especially because you know we're all busy . But consistency is definitely key to helping kids develop these strong emotional skills . And it may not work the first or the second or the third or the fourth time , but it will start to work once you have many , many , many interactions with your kid at home and in public , interactions where you're trying to deal with them empathetically to help them with their problem-solving skills . Over time it's going to come to the point where they'll be able to handle their emotions better , act out less often and come up with some more constructive options on their own . But it does take lots of time . That's that consistency element that can be difficult for parents . You've got to put in the work before you see the results .

Speaker 1 11:00

All right , now let's talk about some of the other parenting types that Gottman discusses and we're going to compare them to the emotion coach type . All right , now let's talk about some of the other parenting types that Gottman discusses and we're going to compare them to the emotion coach type . The first type is dismissive parenting . These are parents who ignore or trivialize their kids' emotions . A dismissive parenting style is less effective because it doesn't really foster

Understanding Dismissive Parenting and Emotional Coaching

Speaker 1 11:22

emotional intelligence .

Speaker 1 11:22

Dismissive parents tend to view their child's emotions , especially their negative ones , as not important , as trivial , something that the parents should just kind of get rid of right away , and this approach can lead to lots of issues in a kid's emotional development . Dismissive parents tend to downplay the experience , the emotional experience that their kid's having . They might say something to their kid like hey , you're overreacting , or suggest that their feelings are not really a big deal . Here's an example of that If a child is crying because they scraped their knee , a dismissive parent might say something like stop crying , it's just a little scratch , you're fine . They'll say that instead of actually acknowledging that the child is in pain . The child might be afraid . The parent dismisses it as being insignificant . In a few minutes we're going to talk about what this does , what the negative consequences of dismissive parenting are , but I want you to start thinking about it now . What do you think a consequence of that might be for a child who hears their parents say stop crying , it's just a little scratch , you're fine ?

Speaker 1 12:27

Dismissive parents also tend to distract or divert attention from their kid's emotions . Instead of taking the time to sit down and try to help their child process the emotions , they might change the subject or they might offer some sort of distraction , like a toy or some sort of treat or game , to avoid dealing with the emotion . If a kid's upset that they lost the game , the dismissive parent might just right away offer to play a different game or might give them a snack to stop them from feeling sad . Instead of addressing that disappointment . Dismissive parents often avoid talking about emotions just altogether . They might feel uncomfortable with emotional expressions or they may believe that discussing emotions will just make things worse . If a child expresses fear about going to the doctor , a dismissive parent might say something like there's nothing to be afraid of and then just leave it at that . And when they do that , it avoids this whole deeper conversation that's just sitting there available about why it is that the kid feels the way that they feel and how to help them cope with that fear . In your mind you might be thinking that there's really nothing to be scared of , but that's not what the child thinks clearly . So when you say to your child that there's nothing to be scared of , you're not addressing the child's actual emotions . Say that something the child finds very upsetting is not a big deal . That tells the child that their emotions are not appropriate and they start to feel like maybe there's something wrong with them .

Speaker 1 13:50

There are several potentially negative outcomes associated with dismissive parenting . One is emotional suppression . Kids raised with dismissed parenting may learn to suppress their emotions because they kind of feel like their feelings aren't valid or important in the first place . Over time , if this is a routine thing , it can lead to them having difficulties in their own emotional regulation . They won't really understand their own emotional states . That makes it continually difficult for them to deal with . As they get older and the situations get more complex . Because of that , these kids will have what Gottman would refer to as low emotional intelligence . They were never taught to label their feelings . They were never taught to identify and articulate their emotions . This can make it more difficult for them to empathize with other people and to manage other relationships effectively . So not only if you do this kind of parenting have you failed to teach your child how to deal with their own emotions . You failed to help your child learn to deal with other people's emotions too . These two things , the emotional suppression and the low emotional intelligence , can further lead to increased behavioral problems and difficulty in relationships .

Speaker 1 15:00

If your child doesn't have the tools to manage their own emotions , then your child may express their feelings in ways that are less constructive . Instead of articulating their feelings , labeling their feelings , they may go through cycles of aggression , withdrawal , acting out . They may wind up struggling with anxiety and depression more than they would have otherwise . As the kids grow older , they'll have difficulty forming and maintaining their own healthy relationships . They might avoid emotional intimacy altogether . They may struggle to understand and connect with other people's emotions . So it really leaves them in the lurch when it comes to their future relationships . Okay , let's compare how the dismissive parent would deal with the situation and how the emotion coaching parent would deal with it . Remember , an emotion coach is going to be attuned to their child's emotional states . They're going to validate feelings and guide them through their emotional challenges .

Speaker 1 15:51

The dismissive parent ignores emotions , downplays them and avoids the child's emotional experience . A dismissive parent says stop crying , it's just a scratch , you're going to be fine it A dismissive parent says stop crying , it's just a scratch , you're going to be fine . The emotion coach parent might say I see that you're crying because your knee hurts . It's okay to feel sad when you get hurt . Let's clean it up together and then you can tell me about how you're feeling . So now that we've gone through what a dismissive parent is and have given a comparison to an emotional coach parent , let's talk about how , if you recognize yourself as maybe a dismissive parent , how can you work on becoming more emotionally aware and more emotionally responsive ?

Speaker 1 16:27

First , try to work on developing some empathy . This actually is a big deal . I see it all the time in co-parenting situations where one parent lacks empathy and the other parent doesn't . The child learns the difference pretty quickly . The kid is much more comfortable with the parent who is empathetic than the parent who isn't . It's not just the empathetic parent being soft or allowing the child to do just whatever they want . That's not what it is . It's about feeling safe . So how can you develop empathy ? Well , you start to take the time to understand your child's perspective . You actually put in the work to think about how your child is feeling , what their view of the world is . You can engage in validation . You can practice acknowledging and accepting your child's emotions , even if to you they seem irrational or exaggerated . You can talk openly with your child about emotions and use emotional moments as opportunities to teach your child emotional intelligence . By doing this , by shifting from being a dismissive parent to a more emotion coaching parent , you'd be able to teach your child emotional intelligence . By doing this , by shifting from being a dismissive parent to a more emotion coaching parent , you'd be able to help your kid develop a healthier , more balanced understanding of their own emotions , a more nuanced understanding . It can help lead them to better emotional results for themselves and better social outcomes in the future .

Impact of Disapproving Parenting on Children

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Now next is the disapproving parent . A disapproving parent is often critical of their child's emotional expressions , particularly the negative emotions they may have , emotions like anger , sadness , fear . Disapproving parents may view these emotions as things that need to be controlled or eliminated , instead of something that needs to be understood and addressed . Here are some characteristics of a disapproving parent . First , they tend to have a negative view of emotions . Just generally , they tend to see emotions , and especially the negative ones , as a sign of weakness , a sign of misbehavior . They could look at it as maybe a lack of discipline . They think that strong emotions should be suppressed or even punished . If a child is angry , a disapproving parent might say stop acting out , there's no reason to be angry . Instead of trying to understand why their child is angry , they may punish their kid for expressing their emotions . They often respond to their child's emotional expressions with criticism . They may believe that disciplining their kid for expressing emotions or teaching them to be more controlled and mature is helping them . This is more of a stoic view , a view that's not really healthy for a child and it's not healthy for an adult either .

Speaker 1 18:48

If a child cries after being teased at school , the disapproving parent may say something like you know , crying doesn't solve anything . Toughen up or you're never going to get through life . Imagine saying that to your child instead of giving them some comfort and support . Remember you have to have connection before you can give direction to a child . If you're a dismissive or disapproving parent , you're not building the connection that you need for your child to want to follow your example , to want to live like you say to live .

Speaker 1 19:18

Parents who are disapproving typically emphasize control over emotional expression . They want to control and suppress emotions . They want their kids to hide their feelings . They sometimes instruct their kids , you know , not to show weakness . Here's an example . A parent might tell their kids something like you know , don't be such a baby . When the kid is upset , that just teaches them that showing emotions is not desirable and that it's shameful . If a child can't release their emotions verbally and if they can't control them , if they can't share them , then they're just going to bottle them up . And where do you think that's going to go ? It's going to lead to more internalizing behavior or externalizing behavior , neither which are good for your kid .

Speaker 1 20:01

Disapproving parents often lack empathy for their child's emotional experiences . They dismiss or belittle their kid's feelings because they don't understand them or because they don't agree with them . If a child is afraid of the dark , a parent who's a disapproving parent may say something like there's nothing to be afraid of . Stop being silly , we've got to get to bed . They say that instead of helping the child feel safe and understood . So why does it matter ? What are some of the negative consequences of disapproving parenting ? Well , there are several , and a lot of these overlap with the dismissive parenting results . One result is low self-esteem . If you're the child of a disapproving parent , you're more likely to develop low self-esteem because you get the message that your emotions are wrong or inappropriate . Somehow you start to feel ashamed of your feelings or you start to believe that you're just kind of not worthy of understanding or compassion because you never receive it .

Speaker 1 20:56

Because your kids have been discouraged from expressing their emotions , they can have poor emotional regulation . They haven't gotten to practice working through strong emotions and so they struggle with them . They struggle to understand their emotions , they struggle to manage their emotions and this can lead to emotional outbursts or internalized stress . It can lead to a lack of resilience . You know increased difficulty coping with emotional challenges as they get older . They can have difficulty in their own relationships . They can have difficulty understanding or empathizing with others and making a real connection . They can start having anxiety and depression . When it's not okay to express your emotions or to process your emotions , the feelings can start to be pretty overwhelming . It can lead to long-term psychological issues Because you're not teaching your child resilience or how to understand or deal with their emotions . It can lead to long-term behavioral problems . If you can't understand your feelings or learn how to work with them , you may start trying to express those suppressed feelings through aggression or defiance or other behaviors that are really not helpful .

Speaker 1 22:02

So , to summarize , the disapproving parent is one who focuses on controlling or suppressing emotions . They use criticism or punishment to do this , and their defining view is that negative emotions are a problem that needs to be fixed or suppressed . The emotion coach is going to be more understanding and guide their child through emotional experiences . Instead of suppressing emotion , they view emotions as an opportunity to connect with their kid and to teach them . So here's an example . A disapproving parent may say to their child something like stop being so sensitive , toughen up . An emotion coach might say I see that you're really upset . It's okay to feel sad . Let's talk about what's bothering you and then we can figure out what to do about it . Here's another example . Let's say that you have a young child who gets angry at their brother or sister because they broke their favorite toy . The disapproving parent may say something like Don't get so angry , it's just a toy . You have to learn how to share . What happens with this ? A negative consequence of this is that your child learns that anger is unacceptable , leading to them suppressing their emotion , their angry emotions , and probably building resentment towards their sibling .

Speaker 1 23:19

Just because you try to suppress an emotion or control it in your child doesn't mean that it goes away . It doesn't . It stays there and it festers into something else . What's interesting is that these dismissing parents feel like emotions are something to be avoided . You know something to be controlled , but the action that they take to do it is one that actually makes it more likely for their child to have those negative emotions . It furthers negative emotions that are even uncontrollable . It's an extremely counterproductive parenting practice if you're listening to this and you kind of see yourself as a disapproving parent . Extremely counterproductive parenting practice .

Speaker 1 23:54

If you're listening to this and you kind of see yourself as a disapproving parent , well then , first , it's awesome that you're even open to thinking about it . But second , here's how you can maybe make a change Again . Start by working on your empathy , just like with a dismissive parent . Try to see the world through your kid's eyes and acknowledge their feelings . Practice validation . Shift your focus from trying to control their emotions to guiding them through the experience of having their emotions , by helping them label their feelings and finding appropriate ways to express them . Next , take some time to reflect on your own emotional responses . I mean , why do you feel that way ? What is it about your upbringing that makes you want to suppress strong emotions instead of experience them and acknowledging them and bonding with your child over them ? Do you think you're happier because you're unable to process these emotions or deal with them ? Are you truly happier that you want to suppress these feelings instead of acknowledging them and dealing with them in a healthy way ?

Speaker 1 24:55

The last category is laissez-faire parenting . Gottman describes laissez-faire parenting as a permissive parenting style that's ineffective because it's overly permissive . These parents are warm and accepting of their kids' emotions , but then they fail to provide the boundaries , the guidance , the structure the kids need to learn how to manage their emotions effectively . This kind of style can lead to kids who are emotionally expressive but lacking skills to regulate their emotions or solve their own problems . So here are some characteristics of a laissez-faire parent they show unconditional acceptance of all emotions , so they accept and encourage the expressions of all emotions , but positive and negative . They don't judge the emotions , they don't suppress the feelings , and that actually can help children feel understood and supported .

Speaker 1 25:40

But here's the problem the kids lack guidance . Although these parents are accepting of emotions , they fail to set boundaries the very boundaries that kids need to learn to express emotions appropriately . This can result in kids who express their emotions in ways that are disruptive or inappropriate . You know , the child who throws the tantrum might be comforted by a Lassie Faye parent , but the parent won't teach them how to handle the frustration in an appropriate way . You're just going to be getting more and more of that kind of tantrum . Your kid finds out that if they throw a tantrum they're going to receive more than attention , which is part of what the dismissive and the disapproving parents are afraid of in the first place . They learn that , but they don't learn the skills to avoid emotional outbursts in the future . So it's kind of only taking your kid halfway .

Speaker 1 26:28

The laissez-faire parents don't set limits on behavior . They often let their children just kind of act out , you know , scream , hit other people , and they don't intervene to stop the behavior . These are the parents you see in the grocery store and you're like what are you doing ? That is not okay . Another example here is you know , maybe if a child hits their sibling out of anger , a laissez-faire parent may say something like I understand you're angry , but then stop there . They won't enforce a rule against hitting , they won't discuss other ways to express anger , so again they're going sort of halfway . And they also fail to offer problem-solving assistance . They don't engage their kids in how to problem-solve . They tend to be empathetic and understanding , but they just sort of lead the kid to figure out the rest .

Speaker 1 27:19

What happens to children raised by laissez-faire parents ? Well , they're probably going to struggle with emotional regulation . They've been allowed to express their emotions freely , but with no guidance , and so they haven't learned how to control or manage intense feelings like anger and sadness . They haven't had proper behavioral boundaries , and so they'll have difficulty with social interactions . They might be perceived negatively by their peers as emotional and destructive , someone who's not much fun to be around . They tend to have increased behavioral problems , they act out inappropriately , they can tend to have trouble following rules and they struggle with authority . They've never learned how to handle their emotions in constructive ways , and so they don't know how to react when someone in authority sets a limit on them . They haven't learned how to solve their own problems , believe it or not , even though they're receiving all of this parental warmth . The lack of structure and guidance can cause these kids to feel insecure . They may become more anxious and feel unsupported when they face kind of difficult emotions . Kids want structure , they need boundaries and they're not going to tell you that that's what they want . But that's what they want . They crave it . In summary , laissez-faire parents give unconditional acceptance of emotions but tend to lack the structure , guidance and problem-solving that are essential for their kids' healthy emotional development .

Speaker 1 28:31

Here's an example . Let's say we have a situation in which there's a child who's angry and then struck out at their sibling or a friend , like physically struck out at them . The laissez-faire parent may say something like I understand that you're angry and it is okay to feel that way . The emotion coach parent would say something like I see you're angry and it's okay to feel that way . Let's talk about why you're angry and it's okay to feel that way . Let's talk about why you're angry and let's figure out what we can do about it . But remember it's not okay to hit when you're angry . So this parent acknowledged and labeled the feeling . They expressed empathy for the feeling . They talked about constructive problem solving that they could do together and then they set the boundary that it's not okay to hit those parts . The setting the boundary and discussing constructive ways to deal with emotions those are the parts that the laissez-faire parent is missing .

Speaker 1 29:26

If you're listening to this and you think that you might be a laissez-faire parent , here are some ways that you can work on becoming more of an emotional coach parent and kind of . Really it's about being more structured and providing more boundaries and more support . Okay , so , as a laissez-faire parent , you've perfected accepting and validating your kid's emotions and that's total , unnexed . But it's equally important to set limits on behavior . You have to make sure that your kid understands that while all emotions are okay on behavior , you have to make sure that your kid understands that , while all emotions are okay , certain behaviors like hitting or screaming they're not okay .

Speaker 1 30:00

Engage your child in problem solving when your kid's upset . Help them think through the problem and find solutions . This is an approach that helps them manage their emotions and also teaches them viable problem-solving skills , which we all need . Give your child guidance on how to express their emotions in appropriate ways . You can teach them self-regulation strategies , how to calm themselves , how to communicate their feelings , how to do some conflict resolution . You don't have to lose your empathy . You just have to have balance between the empathy that you've already nailed down and providing the structure your kids need . This combination is going to help your child feel understood . The empathy that you've already nailed down and providing the structure your kids need . This combination is going to help your child feel understood , while also learning how to manage their emotions and behaviors Well .

Speaker 1 30:42

To wrap up , ultimately this was a great book . I mean it contained tons of practical examples and some of them were really interesting . Some interesting research findings as well . It's a bit of an older book and some of the comments that were in there I think probably would not be included in the book today , but generally speaking , I thought it was a fantastic resource to help parents learn how to better deal with their own emotions really and their relationships with others , but then also model all that for their children , learning how to acknowledge , label , constructively deal with their emotions , even really strong , really negative emotions .

Preparing for Discipline and Co-Parenting

Speaker 1 31:17

Next week we'll get into our final book and , as I find another book that I want to talk about , the final book is no Drama Discipline . Once we finish this foundation we're building of the parenting styles , the developmental stages and these book summaries we're going to get into talking about discipline and co-parenting situations . The goal in that conversation is to put to work all these tools we've been accumulating over the last few weeks . So that's it for today . Thank you so much for joining me and I'll see you next week .